Editor Eric: The Great Unsolvable Mysteries of Modern Life


Mysteries Home		Editor Eric	Greatest Literature	Toronto Reads	Skepticism
	Great Unsolvable Mystery #25: Driving Why do drive-through bank machines have instructions in Braille? #24: Language Why do people keep using the expression "déjà vu all over again"? This started as a joke, people. You see the French phrase "déjà vu" means "already seen", so a feeling of déjà vu was a sensation that you were seeing something for the second time. Then Yogi Berra, famous for his mangled English, referred to a baseball game as being "like déjà vu all over again" — which was funny then because it meant "all over again all over again". For a few years this was quoted as an example of humorously ignorant grammar. But then people who didn't know it was a joke began to think it was a legit phrase. And now hardly anyone ever uses the expression "déjà vu" without tacking on the pointless "all over again". Come on, people. As we say in southwestern Ontario, stop it already. #23: Computing How come software and hardware never catch up to each other? Whenever I've upgraded my computer system, half my software no longer works until I've downloaded patches or bought new versions. But soon afterwards, of course, new software hits the market promising great new features and I fall for it. I install it and then find it really doesn't work all that well on my system without more memory, video RAM, megahertz, etc. Which means another round of hardware upgrading.... #22: Products Why is it every TV remote control I've ever owned has changed channels fine, moderated volume perfectly, handled special features like flashback and integrated VCR controls without a problem — but had to be scrapped eventually because the little plastic catch that closes the battery compartment snapped off? Every single one!
	#21: Computing Why do software and hardware vendors ask you to register every piece of hardware and software you buy? They say it's so you can get technical support. Hah! There is no technical support for these products. All that happens when you register is you get added to a new mailing or emailing list to be sent even more advertising. #20: Movies *In The Rock, why does Sean Connery roll through a passageway of* shooting flames and swinging blades with perfect timing to break into Alcatraz with Nicholas Cage? Once through, he opens a regular door from the other side, letting Cage in. But Connery is Cage's guide into Alcatraz because he had once broken out of the prison, in which case he would have just opened the door from the other side. Why would he have learned about or gone through that deadly fire-and-blades contraption? (My young son asked me that one and I had no answer.) #19: Products Why don't all cars have the gas tank on the same side? Why don't car manufacturers set a standard for which side of a vehicle the tank is on? Do they have a deal with oil companies to make us use up more gas jockeying around the pumps along with other cars, all trying to face the right way to get petrol into them? #18: Computing Why do big downloads always get about 97 percent complete before your system crashes or the connection is lost? #17: Language Why do people, inviting me to an event, say to wear a "shirt and tie"? The tie I can understand, but are they afraid I might show up without a shirt? Why don't they mention other clothing, like "And don't forget to wear socks and pants"? #16: Products Why does every printer in the office insert paper a different way? I can never remember which printers take the paper good side up and top facing in, which take it good side down, top facing out, or whatever. Do printer manufacturers have a deal with paper producers to make people use up more paper by printing copies on the wrong side? #15: Business Why do phone answering messages say "Your call is important to me" when they don't know who's calling yet? #14: Products Why does my new printer's manual, which I found sealed in plastic and packed in styrofoam at the bottom of the box, include instructions for correctly opening the box? #13: Business Why are businessmen who lose hundreds of millions on Internet companies hailed as entrepreneurial geniuses? And how come I can't get a bank loan when I made a profit (free and clear!) of $214 last year? #12: Computing Why is it after you shut down most Windows computers, they give you a message saying it's now safe to turn them off? Do you have a choice at that point? Are there people who decide to leave their computers on at that point, forever showing that message? Why don't those computers just, uh, shut down? #11: Business Why is Steve Jobs a hero for reviving his company, while Bill Gates is a villain for having been consistently successful with his company? Would Gates be more endearing if he nearly destroyed Microsoft, as Jobs did Apple, and then salvaged it? #10: Movies *Why at the end of Casablanca* doesn't Humphrey Bogart cut the tear-jerking goodbye and just get on the plane with Ingrid Bergman? The explanation in the film is that they have transit papers for only two and he gives them to Bergman and her hubby to leave Morocco. But the Nazi who would stop him has already been killed at the airport, so why can't he go? (Critic Roger Ebert ruined this great film for me by pointing out this mystery in an interview with Elwy Yost. Thanks a lot, Rog.) #9: Computing Why does Windows include not one but two crappy text editors?** Like, if WordPad is just too powerful to handle, you can always try Notepad? #8: Computing Why do Web sites that promise "TOTALLY FREE!" nude photos ask for credit card information? (So I'm told.) #7: TV Why do television commercials show new TV monitors with supposedly high-definition images and amazing brilliant colour, when we can only see them on our old low-definition, muddy screens? My daughter asked me that recently and I wondered why hadn't I noticed on my own. How silly that is? #6: Computing Why does a Macintosh announce you have a "type 11 error"? And when you look it up in an obscure reference book, you find this means something equally helpful like "bus error"? It's like the Marx Brothers routine in which Chico keeps selling new code books to Groucho to translate the previous code books he sold him? #5: The paranormal Why do extraterrestrials — possessing superior intelligence, sophisticated technology and advanced communications — travel millions of light years to Earth to draw circles in wheat fields and stick objects in the orifices of country bumpkins? #4: Computing Why are computers always wrong calculating time required? Why is your computer, which is usually precise to the nth degree, way off when it tells you how much time is left for simple operations like copying or downloading? #3: Computing Why do we need to enter serial numbers when installing software? Supposedly, software publishers insist you enter long, hard-to-find serial numbers each time you install their products in order to combat piracy. But are there really software pirates out there who don't know they should give out copied serial numbers along with their copied disks? #2: Human Behaviour Don't you have a life? Why in the world would anyone with a real life waste so much time reading this far through such a ridiculous list of nonsense? (I hope you enjoyed it or were stimulated by it at least.) And, finally, the Great Unsolvable Mystery #1: Human Behaviour Why, if I'm so clever, ain't I rich?