#145: Products

Why do grocery-store coconuts come wrapped in plastic?
As if those hard-shelled items need to be protected from damage? Unlike, say, apples, oranges and plums that come au naturel?

#144: Movies and TV

How come guns in the future are so slow?
Everything's supposed to be more advanced in those sci-fi films that take place hundreds of years from now, right? Yet in the shoot-outs, you actually see the rays leaping from the gun to the target. Already in our time we have bullets that fly faster than can be seen! And those movie ray guns, burning little holes in things and people? Why did those future guys ever give up our current powerful weapons for those dinky guns? (I don't even want to get into the absurdity of Star Wars pilots flying around space taking potshots against each other like it's the Battle of Britain in space, when you'd think they'd have solar-system destroying weapons by then. And those super-advanced armies advancing on each other across open plains to engage each other in hand-to-hand combat or with light sabers. Geesh. Just push the button to wipe out the other side, eh?)

Addendum. My skeptical colleague David Bailey adds: And why do they fire those phasers or lasers in single shots at the enemy, instead of just sweeping a path through them so they'd never miss.

#143: Special occasions

If Santa Claus keeps a list and he knows who's been naughty or nice,
why does he ask every kid on his lap, "Have you been good this year?"

#142: Products

Why do toasters have settings that are so high they could only burn toast?
Does anyone use the highest setting on purpose? Does anyone like eating charcoal? So why make toasters that powerful?

#141: The paranormal

If aliens don't want to be seen, why do they leave their lights on?
Think about it. When people report UFOs, they usually claim to have seen lights in the night sky. Presumably the extraterrestrials don't want to advertise their presence on our planet. So they light up their spacecrafts to be seen for miles?

#140: Movies and TV

When someone wakes from a bad dream in a movie, why do they always
spring straight up to a sitting position. I don't think I've ever done this. Nor anyone I've slept with. It's not even that easy to do. In real life we just kind of lie there and groan.

#139: Restaurants

Why can't you get a half cup refill of coffee in a restaurant?  
When a waiter asks, "More coffee?" and you answer, "Just half", every single time he or she will nearly fill the cup. And then you feel obliged to drink it all because you hate to let food go to waste.

#138: Language

When planes almost crash into each other, why is it called a near miss?  
Isn't it a near hit?

#137: Science

If the universe is all there is and it's expanding, what is it expanding into?  
I know, some bright light will point out the universe is not expanding into anything—everything in the universe is just getting further apart. But then why is this called expanding? Isn't this really just a matter of everything shrinking?

#136: Human Behaviour

Why do people leave a single square of toilet paper on the roll?  
What am I supposed to do with that? It must be the same kind of thinking that makes them leave just a little bit of coffee in the pot—enough to show they didn't finish it, but not enough for the next poor slob to actually get a cup from.

#135: Movies and TV

When an character in a film sees someone else off in a car or taxi  
why does he rap the roof with his hand to signal to the driver to go? I've never seen anyone do this in real life. I've got a feeling that if I were to try this, the driver would at best ignore me or more likely swear at me for banging his car.

#134: Products

How come new video movies come in boxes without bottoms?  
What kind of ridiculous design is that? My buddy David Bailey pointed this out and I suddenly realized why I'm always dropping videotapes—the bottoms of the cardboard boxes are missing! Not only that but the tops have conventional flap openings: do they think people are too stupid to pull the tapes out of the open ends? I don't know. What other product has a box built to fit it but leaves the bottom off?

#133: Language

When did "incidences" become a word?
It used to make me secretly laugh at bad grammar when I heard it, but it's getting so I catch even television newscasters using it now. Hey, fellas, it's one incident, two incidents. The occurrence or frequency of something is its incidence. There are no incidences. As in, "The incidence of incidents in which people use 'incidences' when they mean 'incidents' is increasing."

#132: Computing

How come different slashes are used to show the locations of things
on your computer and the locations of things on the Internet accessed by your computer? Some addresses separate files and folders with forward slashes and some with back slashes. And darned if I can ever remember which uses which. It's almost as if the backslash (and who ever heard of such a thing before computers?) were introduced just to get us mixed up.

#131: Star Trek

How come 24th-century technology can create the Enterprise with all its
incredible computers, warp drives, holodeks, replicators, phase cannons, transporters, and so on—but it can't design a uniform that fits Captain Picard? The male officers are always tugging on their shirts whenever they stand up. Shouldn't there be some sort of space-age clothing material that doesn't ride up like a 1970s leisure suit?

#130: Health

Why do people talk of catching a cold from being in the rain?
They know colds are caused by viruses, right? Do they think raindrops carry cold germs? Do they think getting wet makes you sick? Do they think swimmers are always catching their death of colds? Do they fear taking baths or showers? I am so sick (not literally, of course) of seeing in a movie or on a TV show a scene of someone getting rained on, followed by a scene of that person sitting sneezing, with feet in a bucket and a towel over the head. (Come to think of it, that's another mystery. Why do they show that? In real life I've never seen anyone  trying to cure a cold that way.) Read my blue lips: You do not catch a cold from being in the rain!

#129: Biology

Why are we grossed out by other people's farts but not our own?
(Of course I don't know this from personal experience, never having released unwanted gas myself, but I'm told this by all you other disgusting people.)

#128: Human Behaviour

Why do peeing males always aim at the cigarette butt or dead bug
floating in the bowl? Oh, c'mon, don't tell me I'm the only one who does this! We fellahs seem to have a built-in aiming reflex. At a driving range, as soon as the guy in the cart makes an appearance to pick up the golf balls, just watch everyone start launching shots at him. No wonder some manufacturers have started painting a fly on the back wall of their urinals: men automatically try to hit it, thus reducing the incidence of misdirected...well, you get the idea. What's with us and aiming at things, huh?

#127: Language

What's so great about being "cheap at half the price"?
Wouldn't half the price always be a lot better deal than the price they're asking?

#126: Human Behaviour

Why does it feel nicer to have someone else scratch your back?
It's so much more delicious than doing it yourself—even though you're the one who knows exactly where it itches. It's better to do it with a stick or backscratcher too, than with your own hand. But the ultimate pleasure comes from others' fingers. Why is that?